Self Care in the Midst of the Battle: Restore…and then Return to the Field

I went to Rodef Shalom, the local temple near where I live, to hear a United Church of Christ pastor from Newtown, CT, recount the chaos, the anger, the tumult of grief and confusion following the murder of twenty children and six adult staffers in 2012: 800 teddy bears arriving from Iowa, 200 apple pies…where to store, how to distribute? Counselors and psychiatrists from all over the nation volunteering to help…how to vet?

The entire town traumatized. “Endless e-mails. I’d finish one telephone call and before I can stand up, the phone starts ringing.”  Things have calmed somewhat over the last five years, but the “process of integrating the pain, lessening the trauma remains to this day.”

His talk and the ensuing discussion blended theology, logistics, counseling, and a surprise, at least to me – self-care! “We are good.  We do good.  We are healers.  But then what of us?  What of our health? Do we have the wisdom to give ourselves permission to treat ourselves?”  Some didn’t: some Newtown clergy left town, and some left the ministry altogether. 

The route from pain to action is difficult. We all suffer terribly from the toxic drips of Trump who demeans, divides, bullies and insults, trashes our allies, celebrates dictators, disturbs sleep, unsettles our steps. Where Trump would pull us apart, we must come together. The drip is relentless: it threatens to poison and debilitate, the toxin spreading as  “others” are labeled “animals, rapists;” as Senator John McCain, dying of cancer, is attacked for failing to repeal Obamacare; and as children are ripped away from their parents. David Brooks (New York Times 6/26/18, p.27) writes that Trump’s “tribalism is the evil twin of community.  It is based on hatred, us/them thinking, conspiracy-mongering and distrust.  It creates belonging, but on vicious grounds.”

To fight against this, and with the need to pull together in hope and purpose, a group of us formed Lewinsville Faith in Action (LAF) soon after the election (www.Lewinsvillefaithinaction.org). We meet monthly. Last Monday we began planning for the fall. More immediately, we attempted to determine which of three marches to attend this past week:  Thursday’s Women’s March, the Sojourner’s Candlelight Prayer Vigil Friday night, or the nationwide “Families Belong Together” march.

LFE has established its purpose, anchoring its work in community, pledging to specific actions and encouraging restoration and then return to the fray. LFA realizes it cannot go it alone.  LFA continues to explore partnerships with others , both sacred and secular, among them Virginia Interfaith Center for Public Policy (mainly state policy), Virginians Organized for Interfaith Community Engagement (more local), Faith in Public Life (federal), Faith Alliance for Climate Solutions and the Brady Campaign and Everytown USA for gun violence reduction.

Everyone can act.  Some actions are small, some large: An ICE spokesperson resigned, telling the media he refused to share false information: a woman noticing migrant children on a commercial flight, contacted  an advocacy group, which led hundreds of people to rally at a New York airport; a flight attendant pledged not to work on flights transporting migrant children; Atlanta’s mayor prevented city jails from holding ICE detainees; New Jersey’s governor refused to let state resources be used in family separations; and of course the Parkland kids sweeping across the nation urging all, especially the young, to register to vote. Sharing what others have done inspires and helps to sustain.

And because the toxin is so virulent, we need to maintain and sustain our health, by taking care of ourselves. Let’s listen to the Newtown pastor who said,”Self-care is not selfish.  If we’re burned out, we cannot be there for others.” We must be reminded: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  So we’ve got to step back, then return to the field, restored – perhaps not fully restored, perhaps with a limp, but back on the field. No, the toxin hasn’t left me.  My anger and grief haven’t disappeared, but the toxin feels somehow, more integrated, stirred into a mix of political action, friends, family, music, some travel, humor, more political action and always…hope. Self-care is only selfish if you leave the field to restore yourself and then refuse to return to the field.

While not losing the fire of your indignation, your sense of justice, give yourself permission for self-care. May each of you find some balance, however tenuous, some integration, resolve and some hope, in these most challenging of times.